Scared
by Cullens Incarcerated
Summary: Entry for the Cullens Incarcerated Contest. Alice finds herself in jail after committing a murder in cold blood. “A sense of complete peace settled over me even though I’d just shot a man in cold blood.”


"**Cullens Incarcerated Contest"**

**Story Title: **Scared

**Main Characters: **Alice & Jasper

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing Twilight related.

**To see other entries in the "Cullens Incarcerated" contest, please visit the profile: http://www . fanfiction . net/u/2163960**

*** **

I got out of the shower and stood in front of the dirty and fogged up mirror made of Plexiglas; the reflection making the scars covering my arms and neck look even uglier. Girls were busying themselves' throughout the community shower room while I stood there, still as stone.

Only twenty years old and I'd been sentenced to nine years for killing the man that caused all of the white scar tissue on my small body. A man that had damaged me not only where you could clearly see, but had made me feel ruined and broken on the inside as well. Left me

I was young and stupid, but I had no one else. He was familiar and had given me a place to rest my head.

Some sort of haze came over me the night it happened. I found his gun while he was in a drunken coma. I stood in front of his slumped body and watched as his chest heaved up and down with no sort of rhythm to it. Sometimes an occasional snore would escape, making his lips blow disgusting raspberries.

I had been completely aware of what I was about to do. The consequences didn't scare me at all and I would accept my fate. Thinking back, I hadn't been nervous and could swear a smile painted my face. The consequences of what I was about to do hadn't scared me at all and I would willingly accept my fate.

I stood in front of him for a good five minutes before pulling the trigger and watched carefully as the blood splattered behind him, covering the recliner he sat in and staining his white shirt. A sense of complete peace settled over me even though I'd just shot a man in cold blood.

The other girls Had come running out of their rooms woken by the ringing of the shot from their sleep and stood completely still as they took in the scene in front of them. The screaming wasn't far behind.

I'd killed the man that took me in when I was seventeen, after I'd been in some sort of car accident, killing both my parents and left me with a case of Lacunar Amnesia, or what most people would understand, "selective amnesia."

I had forgotten about the car accident and whether I had any other family. The police and doctors assumed I didn't since there were news stories on the TV and in the papers for weeks and no one had come forward to claim me. Not as a niece, a sister; hell, not even as a friend.

This was the man that I had once believed and trusted. He'd called me his queen, the honor lasted only a few weeks. I quickly learned that the only thing that was different from being his queen and being Or one of his whores was that I would get to sleep in his bed. I would get to endure occasional nights of his sweaty, dirty body hovering over me, and sometimes when I'd tried to fight my way out of it, scalding hot knives.

I was just a toy for him to play with. He owned me and if I hadn't functioned the way he demanded, I'd be punished.

They had placed me in a home and I would have to stayed there until my eighteenth birthday. I was able to handle that for all of about two weeks before I had fled, finding James in a small, empty alley. He took me in as his own and I had appreciated him helping me, until I realized his intentions.

I hadn't spoken much since I'd been incarcerated and because of this, they assigned a psychologist to me. Great, right?

I'd get to meet my new shrink today. I'd let her analyze me and write in her little notepad. Whatever made these people _happy_. "office."

*

I was escorted by two correctional officers to the place I'd be meeting my new shrink. I briefly wondered what she'd look like. Would she be your plain Jane or would she be some knockout that thought I was just some crazy chick that killed her pimp?

When we got to the box sized "office," I noticed that neither of my thoughts were even remotely close to being right. They nudged me inside, shutting and locking the door from the outside.

The man looked up at me, giving me a small smile and a quiet, "Hello Alice."

In a prison filled with females—prisoners, correctional officers and guards—you'd think that any man would cause a stir. I hadn't heard much of anything about this man. Maybe he was an ass or maybe there were too few prisoners that see him. Prisoners like me who spoke too little to have mentioned just how beautiful this man was.

"Please, have a seat," He calmly spoke as he motioned me to the small, cushioned seat that sat in front of his desk.

I plopped down into worn, orange seat and threw my feet up onto his desk while I took in his appearance.

His light, sun kissed hair fell in waves below his ears, a few stray pieces dangled in front of his eyes; his frame wasn't large, but he wasn't a small man;he was proportionate. His eyes sparkled a beautiful shade of crystal blue that gave me an odd sense of safety

He dressed casually in a navy blue polo, choosing to leave the top button free. The leather band of his watch was well worn, and I wondered if it had been handed down to him or if it was given to him by someone special years ago. Above the watch was a brown,braided leather bracelet. On his pinky finger he wore a ring that had some sort of large crest or dark jewel on it.

I was intrigued by this man and I still had no idea what his name was. He'd only spoken a couple words to me and I suddenly felt the urge to speak.

"I killed the man that sold me for sex," I blurted out and immediately let my gaze drop to the bottom of the desk where I could see his sneakers. A psychiatrist that wore sneakers? Black and white Chucks that were well worn to be exact.

The doctor hadn't' spoken anything in the few minutes that had passed after I'd spoken so I peeked up at him. He sat there, keeping eye contact with me.

"My name is Dr. Whitlock, Alice. But I'd prefer it if you just call me Jasper." pausing to glance back at the file in front of him he looked back up, "I'd like to start at the beginning, after your accident maybe?"

He was giving me a choice. That was something I wasn't used to.

I decided right then and there that I liked Dr. Whitlock, "Jasper" and I'd make the most of the time I'd spend with him each week.

*

Time passed as quickly as one could expect while being in jail. I was up for a parole hearing in just a few months and the odds were well in my favor. I owed that to Jasper.

Since I'd been meeting with Jasper twice a week, I started to see a difference in my attitude. Of course, a prisoner's attitude could only be as good as mine, we were all here for one reason, most of the incarcerated held captive and away from their loved ones and friends. I didn't have anyone on the outside, but I had Jasper here and I was okay with that.

Soon enough I'd made friends with a couple of my cell mates shortly after finding my voice again. My sessions with Jasper had helped bring some of the old me back.

Jane also had no family; they all chose to disown her after she'd been sentenced. I didn't know what she was in the big house for and chose not to ask her. She never talked about it and I was okay with that.

Bree was one of the girls that would be in and out in the matter of a month. This time, she was stuck here for eighteen months. She had slashed her boyfriend's tires and already had a bunch of warrants out on her when they arrested her. Her mother and brother, Riley would visit occasionally.

While I sat on my bunk, braiding Jane's hair, a guard came to get me for a therapy session. "I'll finish when I get back, Janey!" My excitement was clear, although I wasn't supposed to be seeing him for another day.

*

Whenever I'd walk into Jasper's closet office, I'd feel myself wind down and relax.

"Afternoon, Alice. How has your week been going?" he asked. He always asked how I was and how things had been going. I knew it was his job, but I couldn't help but wonder if he actually cared.

"As good as can be expected, Jasper. I can't really ask for anything more." I said while smiling. "I'm a bit confused why I'm here today, though. It's only Wednesday."

Jasper looked down and began going through my file. He let out a sigh and suddenly closed the folder before filing it away in his metal cabinet of secrets.

"I've seen remarkable progress in you in the past couple of years, Alice. You've gone through so much and I'm proud of the woman you've become, even while stuck in such a terrible place like this," he looked around his office in disgust after he'd finished talking like a true professional.

Jasper looked around his office in disgust. His eyes came back to me and his eyebrows pulled together as the look on his face became serious. He rarely spoke to me in such a true professional tone.

"I won't be coming back, Alice. I got a new job, at a real practice." I wasn't sure, but it sounded as though he wasn't happy about his new job. I certainly wasn't.

"You're leaving me." I couldn't get any other words to leave my mouth. I felt a silent tear roll down my cheek and wiped it away quickly. I could feel myself shutting down already.

The news was devastating. I looked forward to my Tuesday and Friday sessions with him and our silly games of Spit and useless one on one games of Clue. I looked forward to talk to someone that knew everything about me, about my time after the accident, about my scars. I liked talking to someone that knew everything about me—my time after the accident and my scars how he didn't make me feel like your average murderer or criminal.

"Alice, you have to know, you'll always have me. I have to do this. I have to move on. I will be there, up on that stand at your hearing and I'll be…" he stopped suddenly and I heard him clear his throat.

"You'll be what? What?" I demanded. This was possibly the worst thing that had ever happened to me and that was saying a lot.

"Alice, I am limited to what I tell you. I can't say too 'much' without hurting your case and my job. I'd toss the job in a heartbeat, but you getting out of here is way more important." He stood and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket,handed me his business card before heading to the door and opening it. Jasper

As I drug myself up off of the worn seat I grew to love, I went to walk out of the door. Jasper grabbed a hold of my hand and whispered, "You'll see Alice. It won't be long. You're going to get out of here before you know it and you'll see."

Quickly He quickly placed a small kiss next to my ear and nudged me out of his office.

*

That night I laid in bed for what felt like hours, tossing and turning and trying to get to sleep. The little sleep I did manage to get rewarded me with a beautiful dream.

_I was sitting on a blanket that lay in a beautifully open field and under the single tree that had been placed perfectly in the open pasture, shielding the sunlight just enough that I wouldn't have to squint._

_Jasper walked across the green plush grass with a basket in one hand and two flutes in the other. He'd brought a beautiful picnic and a bottle of champagne toast my freedom._

_The food sat inside the basket the entire afternoon going untouched as I lay in jaspers lap while he stroked my hair softly and softly hummed a song I was unfamiliar. The song he hummed was beautiful and it relaxed my entire body. _

"Breakfast!"

I was awakened from my beautiful dream and it pissed me off. I'd preferred to fall asleep forever, if I'd be blessed with dreams of Jasper and I, alone in a beautiful pasture all to ourselves.

It was only a few days after I'd gotten the news of Jasper not returning that I realized I had feelings for him. Was it weird for that sort of thing to happen? Was it wrong? Hell if I knew. All that I knew now was that he was gone.

I'd been assigned to a new psychiatrist, Charlotte.

I'd been assigned to a new psychiatrist, Charlotte and didn't find her at all like Jasper. She was cold and uncaring,said what she was supposed to say and wrote down everything I chose to share with her. Usually it was stupid things like what I was reading or how I'd given Jane a cute hair-do.

I decided she was not someone I'd be able to get close to; she wasn't someone that cared about her job or her patients. Charlotte was about her paycheck. She was evil looking and her smiles were scary. She wore expensive shoes, carried fancy bags and the ring on her finger told me she was about to marry into money, whether she was from money or not.

I had to play the part of the redeeming prisoner for another few weeks before my parole hearing. before being called

My days and nights were blurring together and Jane was noticed that instead of my usual chipper self, that made the most of my life here in jail, I had started to become soft spoken and depressed.

I tried hard not to show my hurt and sadness and continued to chat quietly while I would play with her hair. I'd hum in response to her enthusiasm when she'd mention all the clients and money I'd be able to bring in if I became a hairdresser, impressed with what I could do with a little water and rubber bands.

I was became tired and had a hard time eating. I was just days away from my hearing and unless I wanted to end up in psych, I'd have to continue the charade of Happy Alice."

After dinner,we were all escorted back to our cells before being called to shower. When I walked into my little cage of hell, I noticed a white garment bag laying across my cot. I unzipped it slowly and inside was a black pencil skirt and suit top with red pin stripes and

a matching red blouse that ruffled around the neckline and down the front. It was super stylish and very court appropriate.

At the foot of the bed was a box that held a pair of basic black ballet flats a half size too big. I assumed I wasn't allowed to wear heels.

Who would have sent me clothes for court? I had absolutely no family or friends outside of this place. The only person that I could come up with was Jasper. A smile spread across my face as I finished that thought.

*

My hair had grown well past the middle of my back since being here, losing my once black, spiky, cute hair. It was now back to its dark, rich, brown color. I kind of liked it.

I opted out of letting people they called hairdressers touch it while I was here. I did what I could with a few rubber bands and some hair spray creating something of a loose French twist; a few pieces were being difficult and not staying in place. I gave up and let them fall, deciding to just tuck them behind my ears.

I turned and faced Jane and our new cell mate, Tina, "Well?"

Tears started streaming down Jane's cheeks and she raced over to me from her cot, crashing into me with a forceful hug.

"Even if I'm let out on parole, girls, I'm still coming back. They'll set a release date."

The guards came into the room just a few minutes after I'd finished getting ready to shackle me in the ridiculously heavy chains and cuffs before escorting me to the van and driving me to the courthouse.

*

I was sitting in a dirty cell filled with women dressed in jumpsuits or scrubs. A few of them looked as though they were brought right in, wearing t-shirts and jeans. I felt uncomfortably out of place with the women staring at me like I was a target.

After about an hour staring out of the bars that held us all in there, a guard called for me to come with him and I jumped off of the bench and dashed to the doors like I had an invisible bullseye on my forehead.

As I reached the bars, the guard slid open the small metal plate and I placed my hands through it while he cuffed them once again.

We walked down the dirty hall and around a corner, where I saw a woman in a navy blue pant suit. The guard and I approached her and she introduced herself as my public defender.

She'd explained to me that things looked good and in my favor. I'd stayed out of trouble while in prison, I never been in any fights, always followed the rules we were given and had minded my own business.

"And your psychiatrist thinks very highly of you. He fully believes that even though you were found guilty for premeditated murder, that you weren't fully capable of understanding your actions at the time." She bent down and grabbed her suitcase and led me into the courtroom through a side door that would hold me until it was time for my hearing.

Two men were already seated in the Plexiglas box and they looked like they could break me in two in a flash. I minded my own and focused on the granite floor until I heard my name called.

"Alice Brandon. Docket number zero- zero- four- eight- three- two."

A man escorted me out of the box and sat me behind a desk next to my lawyer.

I was extremely nervous and kept my eyes focused on the clock that adorned the wall right in front of me until I heard my lawyer say, "At this time, Judge, I'd like to bring in Dr. Whitlock."

My eyes shot immediately to the doors behind me and I carefully watched as Jasper walked into the courtroom, avoiding eye contact with me as he approached the bench.

"Please,hold up your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" the officer asked.

"Yes sir." Jasper answered and then sat down in the box.

*

After all was said and done, I was granted parole and was set to be released in one week.

I'd spent that time preparing to say goodbyes to the two friends I had made during my sentence. Jane and I had become close and I promised her that I would always keep in touch.

Before I knew it, seven days had passed. I had no idea where I was going to go and what I was going to do when I was let out.

The guard came to get me from my cell, this time opening the door without cuffing me. He handed me a plastic bag with the few belongings I had come in with. He waited for me while I turned around and smiled at my friends as the tears fell freely from the three of us.

We walked out and into an office I'd never been in. My public defender handed me an envelope. "There is seventy dollars in here; it was the best I could do. Also, there is a shelter about five miles from here that will allow you to sleep there at night. You'll need to find a job and they'll help."

I walked out of the office and was led to the doors of my freedom. But is that what I would call it? I had nothing outside of this place and I felt like a lost puppy.

Keeping my head down, I walked down the cement walkway that led to a guard sitting in a small guard shack. I peeked at him as he pulled a lever that released the gate for me to leave.

I paused. I had become so accustomed to being a prisoner that I had no idea what was out there. It was big, new and scary.

I heard the guard clear his throat and I jumped a little at hearing the guard clear his throat. My feet made the ultimate decision for me, walking me through the gate of their own accord.

I walked for about twenty minutes before realizing how far away five miles was. I probably wouldn't make it without having to take a break and the sun was already setting; it was I came to a small intersection I heard my name called as I came to a small intersection. The voice was one I had grown to love, trust and made my heart beat rapidly.

I looked to my right, and about a block down leaning against the door of a black car was the man I'd missed dearly.

I found myself running to him as fast as I could, losing one of my black ballet shoes in the process, but it didn't stop me.

A few feet before reaching him, I let the bag fall from my arms and I crashed into him. "Jasper," I sighed, completely out of breath.

"I told you Alice, I told you you'd see." Jasper took my hand in his and led me to the passenger seat closing the door after I was seated. He was perfect.

I watched as he walked around the front of the car to his driver's side door. He pulled it open, sat down quickly as he slammed the door shut behind him. He turned to me with that smile I had missed all these weeks.

"It's too late now, but tomorrow, I've got the day planned out. Perfectly."


End file.
